


The One-Bed Combo

by pizzabender1 (jorlau)



Category: Magic: The Gathering
Genre: Condoms, Crack, It's all about puns actually, Nonbinary Character, Oral Sex, Other, PWP, Penis In Vagina Sex, Puns & Word Play, Puns as foreplay, Smut, The smut is just an excuse for puns, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-24 23:16:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17713547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jorlau/pseuds/pizzabender1
Summary: When Vorthos finds out they have to share a hotel bed with Johnny, they assume they're reading too much into it. There's no way Johnny reciprocates Vorthos's feelings... or does he?Magic-related euphemisms abound.





	The One-Bed Combo

**Author's Note:**

> I had one punny idea and it got away from me, and now I have to share it with the world. Not betaed, not sanity-checked.
> 
> Disclaimer: This story is unofficial Fan Content permitted under the Fan Content Policy. Not approved/endorsed by Wizards. Portions of the materials used are property of Wizards of the Coast. ©Wizards of the Coast LLC.

I didn’t think much of it when Johnny suggested sharing a hotel room at ConTroll. It really is expensive to go to conventions, especially conventions that are all about collectibles, so you have to make some sacrifices. I could also readily believe, when Johnny referred darkly to “what happened last year” that had made me his first choice, that a high-energy roommate like Timmy might end up being the sacrifice. It was just sensible.

I did panic a little when, upon arriving at the hotel, I was greeted by a harried-looking Johnny.

“There’s a little problem,” he told me, pushing his hair out of his face. (It stayed put for the briefest of moments, then fell back down.) “The hotel room’s only got one bed. I asked if we could change it, but they said everything’s booked up… it should be okay, right?”

“Sure,” I said, thinking about every story I’ve ever read that started with there being only one bed in the only hotel room available. “I don’t pull the covers. Much.”

“Great,” Johnny said. “I’ll show you where the room is, then. Do you need help with your stuff?”

I offloaded a suitcase full of cosplay components gratefully and tried to prepare myself mentally. Once I’d gotten all my supplies into a corner of the room (and had a second panic attack at the size of the bed) Johnny headed out to scope out the con and I took some time to put on my first costume of the weekend. It would be fine. I wasn’t going to let myself be psyched out by the prospect of sharing a bed with my… handsome, intelligent, thoughtful friend. Dammit.

Luckily, when I rejoined Johnny, he was with Spike and Timmy in the arcade, watching them duke it out in a fighting game I’d never seen before. Timmy greeted me when I approached, which momentary distraction gave Spike the opportunity she needed to slam his fighter to the ground. Timmy groaned as the screen announced Spike’s triumph.

“Sorry, Tim,” I said, even though it really wasn’t my fault. “How’s the con going for you guys?”

“Not bad,” Spike said. “The stuff I’m most interested in doesn’t start until tomorrow, though.”

“Tournaments?” I guessed.

“You know it, V.”

“Nice costume,” Timmy said. “What are you?”

“Scornful Egotist,” I told him.

Timmy wrinkled his nose. “That’s such a bad card.”

“I’m playing it in my CMC-matters deck,” Johnny countered. “It’s great when I manage to go off.”

“How many times have you done that, again?” Spike laughed.

“I’m still fine-tuning it,” Johnny admitted.

“Thought so,” Spike responded smugly. “But seriously, Timmy, don’t give Vorthos a hard time; as long as they and Johnny keep building janky decks, you might get to win occasionally.”

“Have you seen Mel yet?” Timmy asked me hastily.

“No, I haven’t. Is she here already?”

“I think she’s checking out the artists’ alley,” Timmy said. “She’s doing a pretty cool cosplay, too; she’s a sliver.”

I left them there and went to find Mel. Sure enough, Mel’s sliver costume was meticulously designed, drawing on elements of her favorite slivers to create a cohesive whole that looked ready to give flying, trample, and indestructible to anyone she chose. I admired it, and she criticized my choice of character, and then the others caught up to us and dragged us off to check out a panel on top-down design. The convention had officially started.

It was late when we finally finished losing to Spike’s new Commander deck and collectively agreed it was time for bed. I followed Johnny back to our room, nerves starting to build. How was I going to sleep in the same bed as him without awkwardness?

“Whew, what a game,” he said, tossing his now-swag-filled backpack onto the floor and flopping dramatically back onto the bed.

“It was fun,” I agreed.

“That’s a pretty interesting deck you have,” he offered. “Do you have Baral in it? I think he could be really effective there.”

“I can’t have him in the same deck as the Nalaars!” I protested.

Johnny laughed, propping himself up on his elbows. “Right, I keep forgetting how much that stuff upsets you.”

“I like flavor,” I said defensively.

“Mm,” he said, and sat up. “I think I’m going to take a quick shower. Do you need anything first?”

I nodded, and ducked into the bathroom to remove the bulk of my costume. Pajama-clad and feeling more relaxed, I returned to the bedroom and sat down on the bed to inspect the contents of my backpack. It was a decent haul already. I would have to reorganize to make space for tomorrow.

By the time Johnny returned, I was in bed, covers pulled up over my neck to ward off vampires and body carefully turned to the edge of the bed. He turned out the light, and I heard him moving around before the bed creaked and shifted behind me. I tried not to think about how close he was, not to wonder what would happen if I rolled over and reached out…

“You okay?” His voice was closer than I had expected it. I tensed.

“Yeah,” I croaked.

“I’m not going to touch you,” he said softly. “Not unless you want it.”

Wait, what? He was offering a chance to set a boundary, but it couldn’t just be my imagination telling me there was an invitation implied in the way he emphasized the word “want” there.

“And… if I do want it?” The words were out before I realized I was saying them. I cringed, hoping I hadn’t misread his tone. This was going to be really awkward, otherwise.

“Do you?” He sounded serious, and a little… hopeful?

I rolled over to face him, trying to come up with something a little more dignified to say than the hell yes that immediately sprang to mind. I fell back on my default: contrived Magic puns. “You can touch me as much as you like… as long as you don’t mind entering the battlefield tapped tomorrow.”

He laughed. “No problem,” he said, and reached out to cup my cheek. “I play for the late game.” He leaned closer and kissed me deeply, leaving me breathless. “I’m all about… control.”

“Oh, really?” I slid my arms around him and rolled onto my back, pulling him on top of me. “Well, in that case, I’ll be on the play.”

I attacked him then, sliding my hands under his pajama top and up his back, kissing him hungrily. He countered by pushing my shirt up, forcing me to break the kiss to allow him to pull it off me. It took some maneuvering to strip off the rest of our clothing, especially in only the dim light filtering in through the window curtains, but we managed it, and in short order were back in bed. He hovered above me, taking me in as best he could in the darkness. I could just make out his smile.

“Hey, V,” he said huskily. “Did you cast Giant Growth, or are you just happy to see me?”

“I think you mean Titanic Growth,” I said in mock offense.

“Hm… yes, I can see that.” He ran a hand lightly along my cock, making me shudder. “But fortunately for me, I control a Flood, so the only way you’re swinging that into me is if I’m tapped out…”

“I’ll have to give you something to counter, then,” I said. “How about… a Foul-Tongue Invocation?” Thank goodness for having spent entirely too much time looking for interesting card names.

“That,” he said, and paused to kiss my neck “would be,” another kiss, this time on my cheek, “worth letting the Flood go, yes.” He kissed my lips, lingering, and then pulled away, shifting position to straddle my face instead. By the smell, I could tell he had been quite serious; the Flood was definitely on the battlefield.

I buried my face in his cunt and devoured it greedily, savoring the taste of his pleasure. He rode me enthusiastically, making wanton sounds that spoke to far less control than he’d boasted. It was intoxicating to think that I could affect him like this. I sucked and licked him with abandon, encouraging him to run wild.

“Fuck,” he rasped, his body shaking. “I’m going to go off.”

I hummed my approval at that and redoubled my efforts. He went off spectacularly, his whole body shaking, a sharp cry tearing from his throat. I eased my motions, but didn’t stop until he pulled off of me and moved down to kiss my wet lips.

“Told you I like flavor,” I said, relishing that he was still trembling.

“I’m starting to see the value in that,” he said. “I’ve definitely… flooded out.”

“Does that mean you’re ready to be screwed?” I asked hopefully.

“I told you, I’m the control player around here,” he countered, and rolled off me, moving away from the bed. Confused, I raised myself up on my elbows, and saw that he was opening a pouch on his backpack. He produced a condom and tossed it to me. “But here.”

I took it and unwrapped it, frowning slightly. He’d gone right for it. “Control player is right. You were prepared for this, huh?”

“My dear Vorthos,” he said, returning to sit beside me, “you don’t really think I don’t know what a hotel room with only one bed implies to someone with your interests, do you?”

I sat upright. “You mean…”

“I thought we’d combo well,” he said calmly. “Now… I really think you should sleeve up.”

He’d figured out how to play his cards right, to set up this “combo” and bring it to fruition, by setting up a situation I would recognize and respond to. I could reasonably have been angry at his presumption, but somehow, the realization that he’d been planning this entire encounter, that he’d wanted it just as I had, only added to my arousal. I was ready to move to the next phase.

My cock was rock-hard and already leaking prerelease, and my hands shook a little as I carefully rolled the condom on. He straddled me in a trice and in another moment his dark depths were enveloping me, his breath ragged as he rode my cock. I rocked up into him, whimpering at the feel of the walls of heat pressing around me. Despite my desperation, somehow he was the one who broke first, his cunt convulsing around me as he climaxed again. My release followed quickly, so intense that I couldn’t even make a sound as the waves of pleasure rolled through me.

He rolled off me and we lay side by side for a while, both panting with exhaustion. Eventually, he broke the silence.

“Good game.”

“Good game,” I agreed. I forced myself to get up long enough to remove the condom. He watched me lazily and didn’t say anything further until I had discarded it and collapsed back into the bed.

“We’ll have to have a rematch.”

“I’m game,” I said. “Tomorrow?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Good,” I mumbled sleepily. “I still have a bunch of puns I’d like to use.”

He laughed. “I look forward to hearing them. Good night, Vorthos.”

“Good night, Johnny.”


End file.
